I just don’t think I’d be a good fit for small kids long term. My own desires to nurture another don’t overpower the personal limitations I hold, I believe that would be selfish. On a personal level, I would also be horrified if I had a child with the same disorders that I have. I know the struggles and pains of growing up mentally ill and mistreated, and I never hope to make another person feel that way. I have no interest in being a parent, never really have. To me it’s always looked miserable, plus the idea of being pregnant and what it can do to your mind and body is stomach churning.
It’s okay for your future stepkids not to like you
If he’s fine with that, continue to date without involving yourself at all in the child’s life. At the same time, consider the fact that you’ll have a partner who has prior concrete experience with things that, for now, are only hypothetical for you personally. Once in a while, sure – he does want to keep you, after all.
But don’t let a good thing get away just because you’re scared. Maybe kids are something you never wanted and you want to run in the other direction. Because obviously, this person means a lot to you.
Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. The issue doesn’t necessarily have to be unresolvable if your mate wants children. Again, it requires a discussion, though it could be uncomfortable to broach. It’s a matter of determining whether or not it’s a responsibility that’s too great for the partner to handle. Those who want a baby but their partner doesn’t want kids should try to remain neutral with communication.
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Maybe you’re Dad’s goofy friend who gives them pony rides. Maybe you’re just that guy Mom’s dating who takes them out for ice cream. Be okay with that, because nothing can be forced—kids can’t be fooled and if you try to apply an agenda, it won’t work out.
Between the ages of 41 and 43, I sort of tried to get pregnant with my boyfriend, Inti. Beyond choosing a suitable father and plucking out my IUD, I didn’t do much. No OB-GYN visits other than my annual exam. No thermometer, no ovulation-monitoring app. For a while I tracked my cycle informally, raised an eyebrow at Inti once a month, and stuck my legs in the air after sex.
A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters https://datingrated.com/ degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.
If, after giving it some thought, you think the issue is worth bringing up, find some time when the two of you can talk about it alone. Come clean about how you’re feeling and talk about what you both value in your relationship. Then, explore how you might be able to let go of the jealousy. For example, it might help to make it a point to share little reminders of how much you each value your relationship in the hectic mix of your everyday lives. It can be hard to know upfront whether dating a single parent is right for you, but you’ll save a lot of heartbreak if you are honest with yourself and potential partners from the beginning.
Sometimes, teens are tempted to comply with a date’s request to send nude photos. Unfortunately, these photos can become public very quickly and unsuspecting teens can end up hurt, shamed, or embarrassed. Establish clear cellphone rules that will help your teen make good decisions. Additionally, don’t assume you know the type of the person your child will want to date. You might see your child with a sporty, clean-cut kid or a teen from their newspaper club, but they may express interest in someone else entirely. Talk about what to do if a date behaves disrespectfully or engages in abusive or controlling behavior.
If you’re the kind of person who values their alone time, or you’re really good at going with the flow, this may not be a barrier at all. If his ex isn’t around anymore or they’re on super good terms and she’s mature, this may not be a particularly big deal. There are folks out there who aren’t looking for children; a lot of them.
Which may lead you to falsely believe that any stepparents who don’t get along with their stepkids are just clueless about kids in general and that’s the whole problem. No one except you can answer the question of whether you should date someone with kids. Whether you’re ready to be a stepparent, whether you’ll be a good one, if you should cut loose and look for a less complicated relationship elsewhere.
I just don’t know why people want kids in this day and age. Unfortunately most people want kids, I looked on bumble and the number who don’t want and don’t have kids is pretty low. To be honest I’ve given up on dating, waste of time. When I made a preference on OKcupid for not wanting kids there were only a few guys in my area.
“Having kids wouldn’t suit my lifestyle or personality type,” says a redditor. “Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for,” another one adds. Both of these—and many more—are valid arguments for not planning to have children.
